First of all, people don't have dinner parties here much. I suspect more Americans eat in their cars than around the dinner table with their families each night.
Then, dinner is at hour so early I feel my brain threatening to explode.
"Is six-thirty too early?" I said hopefully to one couple I didn't know well.
"School night," they said. "Six or five-thirty would be better."
I puzzle over the meaning of their words. Could they possibly be planning to bring their children, who were not invited? No, of course not. That would be rude, right?
Apparently not. From the behavior of a number of acquaintances here, I have concluded that a significant percentage of Angelenos think that any invitation to them includes their children.
Very different from France, where the only time you are likely to meet the children of the family of your acquaintances at a dinner party is when they politely take your coat at the front door, or pass around the hors-d'oeuvres in their bathrobes before vanishing to the back of the house.
Murmuring under my breath in my winsome way, I set up pizza, pasta, television and other child fodder in the room which I must abandon to the unwilling visitors. But does this mean that the children quietly go into the room where their meals and entertainment are set up, and leave the adults alone? It does not. Does it mean they sit with the grownups and take part in the conversation? It does not.
It means they show up at the door, standing out of sight behind their parents and looking sulky, don't speak to you, and come pull on their parents' clothes at random times during the evening, muttering. The parents so addressed, no matter who they were talking with, instantly stop the conversation and turn their entire attention to the young interruptor. After all, who is more important? They leave as soon as the child is sufficiently bored.
No, non, décidément I am still French when it comes to the dinner party.
Décidément I am still French when it comes to the dinner party.
Amen.
Posted by: Alison | 20 February 2008 at 04:14
Absolutely. Here in UK, dinner party = no children. I don't think that parents would want to bring their children - they see it as an opportunity to get away from them for the evening! 8pm is the usual start time.
Posted by: Anna | 20 February 2008 at 18:19
I think babysitting is a big part of the problem. It's a lot harder to get babysitters when they have to have their own cars, and you don't want to leave even older kids alone in a house with no car (as opposed to the Paris apartment with a concierge and public transportation). I do have sympathy but would prefer to be asked, not surprised....
Posted by: Sedulia | 20 February 2008 at 20:04
I have not had this experience in San Francisco. Our boys are young adults now, but NEVER did I consider bringing them to a dinner party unless specifically invited to do so. Same on my end. We have dinner guests who have young children, and sometimes we will suggest they bring a (single) child...but only if we are certain they know how to draw the line. Oh! they are all European!!!
Posted by: jadie | 21 February 2008 at 03:50
I am quite surprised by your post. We may not have the same definition for diner party.
I am French from the middle class and as far as I remember, my siblings and I have always attended diner parties or weddings my parents were invited, and I do exactly the same now. If I invite people, I expect them to bring their children. They will usually "prendre l'apperitif" with us then play while we are having diner.
For the past 3 years, I have been living near Philadelphia and I see the opposite. I consider the family is invited, not only the parents. Mon son come with us to any party, wedding or restaurant and I have the feeling I should not. It may be rude, I do not know
Posted by: Celine | 22 February 2008 at 12:14
Well, this is obviously a case of two different groups of people: one group that thinks it is normal to expect children when you invite adults, and one group that doesn't. It's fine as long as the groups don't mix!
Posted by: Sedulia | 24 February 2008 at 03:21
I would say in the past in America There were manners. You would ask If you mind if the kids came along, and the kids would get spanked out in the car if they misbehaved. I can remeber going to peoples house that had kids when I was growing up. My parents ussally asked if it was alright if we came along. If it was a problem we didnt come along. If we did we were expected to behave.
I wasnt perfect but my parents loved me and disciplined me when I need it. Today in the US ,many parents treat there kids more like their pets. A frenchmen in the 1800's came over to America to find out what made us a rising star as a country and said "America is great becuase America is good, and when she cease to be good, she will cease to be great
Posted by: Dave Arnholt | 01 March 2008 at 04:18